I've now wasted too many years in grad school for debt, lost earnings, anxiety, depression, and an ass-wipe piece of paper. That's all I'll have to show for doing a PhD at a sh*tty school in a sh*tty subject that nobody is interested in. I failed. I am a failure.
I had a healthy number of interviews at places I was excited about, but only one sh*tty fly out to a sh*tty sh*thole department where it's been now made pretty clear to all parties involved that I'm a poor fit for them and they're a poor fit for me. Based on the performance of my peers, who got either multiple fly outs and/or employment already (performing very nicely for the sh*tty grads from this sh*thole), it's pretty clear I f*cked up at interviews -- I was too nervous and I'm sure I came across as a total babbling sh*t-for-brains idiot. The are also probably quality differences not related to interview skills/soft skills that I'm unable to observe and/or unaware of because I'm too much of a f*cking idiot.
My (pauper's) gravestone will read: I FAILED! I AM A FAILURE! I F*CKED UP! I AM AN IDIOT!
Be this a lesson to you kids -- don't f*ck up the job market and do quality work at a quality place. If you're an f*cking sh*t-for-brains idiot like me, don't waste your time or anyone else's! Drop out while you still can or you will end up a f*cking waste of a human being like me. Run, run, run or you'll be well done! Seriously: I'm a f*cking failure and it's my f*cking fault.
I...
Hate.. hate... hate HATE
HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE
HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE
HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE
MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!