Circle 1-Virtuous LRMs. Guilty of no sin, but unaware of the knowledge possessed by HRMs, virtuous LRMs spend eternity in pleasant meadows working on papers that positively no one will ever read.
Circle 2-Aspie Virgins. Guilty of the sin of creeping people out, aspie virgins are locked away in dank grad student offices, spending eternity slaving away at checking code. Each night, a gorgeous maiden comes by who wishes to have sex with them. She requires only that the damned proposition her in a non-awkward manner. But they always screw it up.
Circle 3-Deadwood. Guilty of the sin of wasting space, deadwood are forever deprived of sleep. They are instead forced to spend eternity teaching Principles classes and sitting on the College Wide Committee for Diversity and Inclusion. The geography of this circle look suspiciously like that of SUNY-Buffalo.
Circle 4-Bad EJMR trolls. Guilty of the sin of repetition without humor, they are forced to sit in the seminar of a talentless job market candidate who just presents an infinite series of mindless wage regressions. Like their videos and failed memes, the paper never gets interesting or amusing. The guy who bumps Withdrawing an Accepted Paper is repeatedly sure that the talk is about to end. But he is always disappointed when someone extends the talk by asking a pointless question about robustness.
Circle 5- Bad referees. Guilty of the sins of slowness and tediousness, this circle is divided into two hemispheres. The damned on the lower half are those guilty of making pointless suggestions. They must only push a giant boulder to a designated place to escape. But whenever they finish, a demon has a new idea for where the rock should go. Those on the upper half are guilty of slowness. They must complete the impossible task of moving their rock within 6 weeks to escape.
Circle 6- Intemperate EJMR mods. Guilty of the sins of pettiness and hunger for power, crappy mods are forever appointed to the editorial boards of prestigious journals. There they find their decisions constantly vetoed by the managing editor who seems only to take papers that disagree with their narrow political biases. One member of the circle is forced to publish a paper titled Trouble with My RA, as the lead article in each issue. Another is forced to review a special edition dedicated to the REMINDER thread.
Circle 7-Bad advisors. Guilty of the sin of sloth. They spend eternity constantly refreshing F5 as they wait for news on their favorite paper. They are told that they need only send a letter to their HRM friends to be released. But whenever they hand the letter to a demon to mail, he forgets to send it out and so their torment continues.
Circle 8-s**tty Editors- Guilty of ruining the careers of junior economists, s**tty editors are immersed to their necks in a river of crappy papers, and subjected to an eternity of paper cuts. One branch of the river, known as the River Storesletten, contains editors who practiced cronyism. Another branch contains slow editors who are constantly told that their suffering will soon end, but it never happens. Bob King is given an Ipad which shows that a decision on his release is eternally "in process."
Circle 9- Cheaters. The most wicked wander a scorching desert protesting that it was either an "honest mistake," or a "misunderstanding." But their protests are always promptly silenced by 2 foot tall demons known as Heckmen who run them down with cars. In the middle lies Bruno Frey, being eternally chewed on by the Heckman himself.