relax bro, take your meds.
You do that with or without kids. You are thinking of child support but are too much of a moron to know the difference.
Have fun paying alimony
Choosing not to have kids
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lol imagine being a 45 year old man with no kids
like litearlly what is the point in your life? noone is reading your papers, your "wife" is just a purely hedonistic relationship, you are basically living a stupid meaningless life just to that you can travel every few months
most guys in this situation are super depressed (very justifiably .- they are failures). Being childless and alone probably sounds fun if you are 26 years old but at 45 its just depressing and creepy. I dont understand why this thread is encouraging loser and depressive behavior, noone following the child-free course of life will actually be happy once reality kicks in.
Imagine being 50 years and literally not having a single thing alive to live for. Just lol
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the above post isnt even meant to be shaming, im not even saying that you should wife up some stupid 35 year old white girl.
Take a trip to Russia, Columbia, Thailand, whatever. Somewhere in the world you will fine a girl that wants you so that you are not a loser publishing papers about microeconomics that noone will read, But an old man without kids is just a patheitc and creepy specimen that noone would miss if he roped tomorrow.
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Most parents with kids are judgemental towards adults who are child-less. It’s as though by choosing to have kids they are better humans, more socially normal etc.
I personally know of many parents who are so detached from child rearing that I would consider as “worse” than being child-less! Unless you know you can put the effort to the best parent you can be, it might not be worth it afterall. -
lol imagine being a 45 year old man with no kids
like litearlly what is the point in your life? noone is reading your papers, your "wife" is just a purely hedonistic relationship, you are basically living a stupid meaningless life just to that you can travel every few months
most guys in this situation are super depressed (very justifiably .- they are failures). Being childless and alone probably sounds fun if you are 26 years old but at 45 its just depressing and creepy. I dont understand why this thread is encouraging loser and depressive behavior, noone following the child-free course of life will actually be happy once reality kicks in.
Imagine being 50 years and literally not having a single thing alive to live for. Just lolNo life has any point, you nitwit. Having a bum child won't improve that situation, especially in your case.
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what if your parents had decided to not have kids?
The counterfactual could have been chilling in heaven. Life is not a easy journey.
I don’t think parents of the previous generations gave so much thought into having kids. It was just expected and another step in their life like getting married, finishing school.
Given how expensive children have become and how competitive the world is, it requires way more effort to be a good parent today and hence it is important to evaluate the choices! -
Most parents with kids are judgemental towards adults who are child-less. It’s as though by choosing to have kids they are better humans, more socially normal etc.
I personally know of many parents who are so detached from child rearing that I would consider as “worse” than being child-less! Unless you know you can put the effort to the best parent you can be, it might not be worth it afterall.whats your comparison though? where is your control group of childless 45 year old men living great lives?
spoiler: only 3 types of men above 40 exist. Semi-virgins that have never managed to have kids (rare), losers that have had their wives divorce them (very common) or chill cool dudes that are dating young russian/asian women.
I dunno what world you live in, but most 45 year old profs are losers that have lost their kids in divovce, rather than cool chill bros that are sleeping with undergrads or whatever stupid memes people post on here.
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Most parents with kids are judgemental towards adults who are child-less. It’s as though by choosing to have kids they are better humans, more socially normal etc.
I personally know of many parents who are so detached from child rearing that I would consider as “worse” than being child-less! Unless you know you can put the effort to the best parent you can be, it might not be worth it afterall.whats your comparison though? where is your control group of childless 45 year old men living great lives?
spoiler: only 3 types of men above 40 exist. Semi-virgins that have never managed to have kids (rare), losers that have had their wives divorce them (very common) or chill cool dudes that are dating young russian/asian women.
I dunno what world you live in, but most 45 year old profs are losers that have lost their kids in divovce, rather than cool chill bros that are sleeping with undergrads or whatever stupid memes people post on here.My point is just because one becomes a father doesn’t mean they are a better human being and more socially normal! They could be more miserable, weird and plain horrible at being a parent (in which case they are destroying another life)! So why pass judgments about someone’s choice to remain child-less. How do we know their are leading a meaning less wasteful life?
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Kids are the best thing that can happen to you! Just think about all those infertile couples going through hell to procreate.
And actually kids are not that expensive as most childless people assume. You don't need 90% of the cr*p advertised to raise a happy child. -
You are trying to hard to be non-judgemental and theoretical.My point is just because one becomes a father doesn’t mean they are a better human being and more socially normal! They could be more miserable, weird and plain horrible at being a parent (in which case they are destroying another life)! So why pass judgments about someone’s choice to remain child-less. How do we know their are leading a meaning less wasteful life?
You know fine well that if you mean . some 45 year old without kids that they are going to be a broken weirdo. Yes I understnad your point that we "shouldnt judge them" (but actually we should) and yet you know fine well that this isnt going to be a person worth talking to.
Life isnt really that hard. have fun for a few years, have kids, pass your genes on. A 45 year old without kids is just a hedonistic weirdo and hedonism loses most of its shine when you cross the 40 barrier.
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I get this is a joke, but seriously look into his personal life (or your other favourite scienitist)Newton never needed sex or kids. f**k 'em.
Obviously Newton is a world-defining genius but his personal life was a disaster and he died (and lived) a miserable broken man with no family or friends.
If you think that your contribution to humanity is on the same level as Newton's then this is probably something to aspire to, but for most normal people its just an outlier with no relevance.
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The Jewish scientists that took over in the 20th century were much better role models. Both Einstein and Feynman made amazing contributions while banging/marrying their grad students that were much younger. Even gentiles done well, Heisengerg was a fantastic womeniser, and Paul Dirac was a stupid aspie virgin who managed to attract a hot partner due to being a high prestige bro.
Newton is not a man to aspire to, in any way shape or form.
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The problem is that you lack the cultural instinct to have children. The fact that you even seriously consider whether you should or shouldn’t have children - as a healthy married man - is very depressing. Poor parenting is likely to blame.
You shouldn’t have to think much about it. Get married, have kids, that’s natural.
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Let me share my thoughts while I am keeping awake since my toddle is sick.
Cons:
1. Time. Consider spending 3-4 hours on weekdays, and almost the whole 2 days in the weekend with kids until they turn 6 or 7 (i.e. the age they can start taking care of themselves). This is during normal time. When a kid is sick or the nanny does not show up or the day care is close, you will have to spend more time.
If you count these are about 40-45 hours a week. I don't know about others, but I would probably be spending about 30 of these hours on research if I had this extra time. I feel my research time has become less than half of what it would be otherwise (I am at an R1).
2. Your wellbeing. Less sleep, intermittent sleep, extra cooking, crying, feeding when they are not cooperating, or even simple tasks like going to grocery can become very difficult. I expect it to ease once they can take care of their own.
3. kids require money. We spend about 40k on child care per year. This is mostly post-tax. There are additional costs too. You do the maths.
4. kids affect your attention. I don't feel I have the same type of attention for work as I had before. This may be just me though.
5. kids may affect your emotional well being if they are not very healthy or not very cooperative. This is basically a lottery.
6. Kids will crowd out your social space. No new friends, not meeting old friends, less travel and even when we travel, we cant meet friends in the same way.Pros.
1. Kids are fun. You look forward to going to your home in the evening. It's a great feeling to hug your own.
2. Kids give you perspective. Like you understand life better than before.
3. Kids become easier with time. But that time does not come till they are 6 or 8. They are out of the nest by 18.
There may be many more pros.The extent above factors may affect one's life will vary with individual's constrains (money, extended family, partner job etc.). My view is that one should have a kid of the trade off does not look too bad. However, having kids too early may not be as good as it sounds. This may affect your career path altogether. The same applies for having kid when you are on a tenure track. That said, you should not really time it so strategically.
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My point is just because one becomes a father doesn’t mean they are a better human being and more socially normal! They could be more miserable, weird and plain horrible at being a parent (in which case they are destroying another life)! So why pass judgments about someone’s choice to remain child-less. How do we know their are leading a meaning less wasteful life?
You are trying to hard to be non-judgemental and theoretical.
You know fine well that if you mean . some 45 year old without kids that they are going to be a broken weirdo. Yes I understnad your point that we "shouldnt judge them" (but actually we should) and yet you know fine well that this isnt going to be a person worth talking to.
Life isnt really that hard. have fun for a few years, have kids, pass your genes on. A 45 year old without kids is just a hedonistic weirdo and hedonism loses most of its shine when you cross the 40 barrier.So child-less people like mother Theresa, theresa May, Angela Markel etc are all weirdos that wouldn’t be worth talking to but someone who has a kid is surely not a weirdo (just cuz he/she decides to procreate) and worth our time! The examples I gave are of smart successful relatively normal human beings but they didn’t know they were going to be famous when they ended up child-less. They could have remained an unknown human in this world all their lives and remained child-less but they are more worthy of our time! It’s just narrow minded to judge people as inferior because they don’t want to or can’t have kids!
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40,000 per child? The average is around $20000 per child in a household with average income of $180000
Let me share my thoughts while I am keeping awake since my toddle is sick.
Cons:
1. Time. Consider spending 3-4 hours on weekdays, and almost the whole 2 days in the weekend with kids until they turn 6 or 7 (i.e. the age they can start taking care of themselves). This is during normal time. When a kid is sick or the nanny does not show up or the day care is close, you will have to spend more time.
If you count these are about 40-45 hours a week. I don't know about others, but I would probably be spending about 30 of these hours on research if I had this extra time. I feel my research time has become less than half of what it would be otherwise (I am at an R1).
2. Your wellbeing. Less sleep, intermittent sleep, extra cooking, crying, feeding when they are not cooperating, or even simple tasks like going to grocery can become very difficult. I expect it to ease once they can take care of their own.
3. kids require money. We spend about 40k on child care per year. This is mostly post-tax. There are additional costs too. You do the maths.
4. kids affect your attention. I don't feel I have the same type of attention for work as I had before. This may be just me though.
5. kids may affect your emotional well being if they are not very healthy or not very cooperative. This is basically a lottery.
6. Kids will crowd out your social space. No new friends, not meeting old friends, less travel and even when we travel, we cant meet friends in the same way.
Pros.
1. Kids are fun. You look forward to going to your home in the evening. It's a great feeling to hug your own.
2. Kids give you perspective. Like you understand life better than before.
3. Kids become easier with time. But that time does not come till they are 6 or 8. They are out of the nest by 18.
There may be many more pros.
The extent above factors may affect one's life will vary with individual's constrains (money, extended family, partner job etc.). My view is that one should have a kid of the trade off does not look too bad. However, having kids too early may not be as good as it sounds. This may affect your career path altogether. The same applies for having kid when you are on a tenure track. That said, you should not really time it so strategically. -
I am married and my wife cannot stop talking about having kids. So, I feel that if I want to stay with her, I will have to have kids.
Kids are expensive and time consuming. But, in other hand, they can be emotionally rewarding. But, that might never be the case! I know that I am a difficult and demanding person. I feel that I never learned to love properly and care for those that like me. I feel that is very likely that my son/daughter will end up hating me for whatever reason.