...in spite of being a great colleague
It keeps hitting me. My worst fear has been realized. I could see it coming, but wanted to believe my personal qualities, teaching evaluations, would make up for any perceived weaknesses in my research output. The only consolation I have is that I can tell that a few of my closer colleagues are sad to see me go.
For background, I was at a reasonably ranked department. I worked hard, and amassed a decent mix of solo and coauthored papers. Since I’m only productive at research for three-four hours per day, I spent the rest of the day preparing lectures, answering emails, and chatting with colleagues. I think I’m considered pleasant and helpful, and ultimately established a good rapport with many in my department.
The problem is that this came at a cost in terms of my research output. I started to worry that people would perceive me as a slacker, or worse, a dilettante. This fear was exacerbated recently when a senior professor found out about my hobby.
It started a year ago when a friend from grad school mailed a book to the department for my birthday. I unwrapped the book in the office and the secretary asked what it was. I was honest and told her it was a book on entomology (the study of insects). People knew I was an animal lover (my wife and I have two dogs), but I guess they were surprised to learn about my love for insects. I’m especially interested in anthophiles which include various families of wasps and bees. I also have a passion for collecting and cataloguing specimens.
Apparently, the secretary told others in the department and colleagues began asking questions about my fascination with insects. I told them about my collecting habits and how the hobby helped me relax and unwind. I didn’t really think it was a big deal.
But, today I got the news I’ve been dreading for months now. After I found out, I just sort of went for a walk down the hall despondently.
Seeing my despair, a professor on the committee approached me, and put his hand on my shoulder:
“Believe me, it wasn’t an easy choice. We are really sorry to see you go. But ultimately, we know out you got a real crutch in bee analysis.”