Why do you need friend? Real men don't give a sh.it about personal relationship.
HRM predoc here: I have no friends
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There is a good book about isolation in the sacred zip code written by William Faulkner.
But seriously, op, you either need to take a break (like a real break - go somewhere else for a couple of weeks) or to leave and never look back. Human beings are not meant for suffering.
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I do not know about the US system, but I am from Europe, where sport clubs are open to anyone.
I had some "friends" at work, but all the friends I regularily meet have nothing to do with my work. In most cases they are even not economists.
Go out to do (team) sport, try to find a kayak group, socialize with neighbors or try dancing... you will meet a lot of people and you can forget about your work with your new real friends -
they will think you are dep/ressed or have mental health problems. thats what happened to me but I had a serious illness.
I was like you when I was younger. Turns out I had a fairly severe health problem. My suggestion is that you get to the bottom of your health issue before it's too late.
I'm trying but american healthcare is really slow and bad
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If you are miserable in your predoc, you should quit. It's not worth it. You can get into good PhD programs without predoc. And hey, maybe this sneak peak into academia taught you that you don't need a PhD at all. If you have the skills to land an HRM predoc, you have the skills to land a good industry job. Just get a job, earn some money, live among normal people. Decide in two years whether you still want to go for academia. Life is short and your twenties are even shorter. Don't waste it.
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no sheet sherlock. The other predocs seem to somehow have a better support net than I do (friends, etc.). I've always wondered why I don't have anything like that. One predoc told me to "reach out to others and just have hobbies" but my question is HOW THE HELL DO YOU EVEN HAVE THAT or have the time for that?
You have an attitude problem. People here are saying constructive stuff to help and you respond dismissively with "no sheet sherlock".
As for the "no time": So you have one RA job, no friends, no hobbies, no partner/kids (I assume), no teaching/administrative duties. How can you have no time? How do you think you'll survive as an AP handling your own research, wife, kids, teaching, admin - all with the tenure clock ticking? It seems that you have issues unrelated to your current job. Solution: Quit - and move to a location where you fell more at home. And start doing exercise, join clubs, make friends, start dating, .... -
no sheet sherlock. The other predocs seem to somehow have a better support net than I do (friends, etc.). I've always wondered why I don't have anything like that. One predoc told me to "reach out to others and just have hobbies" but my question is HOW THE HELL DO YOU EVEN HAVE THAT or have the time for that?
You have an attitude problem. People here are saying constructive stuff to help and you respond dismissively with "no sheet sherlock".
As for the "no time": So you have one RA job, no friends, no hobbies, no partner/kids (I assume), no teaching/administrative duties. How can you have no time? How do you think you'll survive as an AP handling your own research, wife, kids, teaching, admin - all with the tenure clock ticking? It seems that you have issues unrelated to your current job. Solution: Quit - and move to a location where you fell more at home. And start doing exercise, join clubs, make friends, start dating, ....Yes, I didn't want to be rude, but if you have no time, it might be a good signal that you aren't fit academia. If your predoc is this time consuming and barely manageable timewise (i.e. you have no time for anything else), you should reflect a bit on your academic abilities.
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they will think you are dep/ressed or have mental health problems. thats what happened to me but I had a serious illness.
I was like you when I was younger. Turns out I had a fairly severe health problem. My suggestion is that you get to the bottom of your health issue before it's too late.
I'm trying but american healthcare is really slow and bad
that's my biggest concern.
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Everyone knows when "take your time" it means "get it to me in 3 hours"
No it doesn't. "take your time" means "take your time". HRM professors don't care about time. The publication game is a marathon, not a sprint. In fact, I am annoyed if my RAs come back to me after three hours becuase I need to come up with new tasks.
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to be quite frank, a problem I have is, I usually do tasks meant for one week in one day because I don't like having work on my plate, but it seems that doens't reduce the workload
One advice - go to your supervisor after one week and enjoy life for 6 days (you have finished work and have nothing on your plate). But, of course, you have to learn for yourself what a joyfull life is. We cannot do that for you. Just try something different and you will find out what makes fun and what not.
Please do not expect to find so many real friends among your competitiors for jobs in the academic market. If it works out fine and you find some rela friends, then fine. But try to find some other people outside of the bubble. They can help to see things more clear.
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OP, which part of "isolation" do you not enjoy?
Isn't one main appeal of academia, the isolation and silence and space to think about anything you want, at your own pace, without anyone to disturb you?
Have you maybe considered that as much as you detest industry, maybe a quiet job that offers some degree of social interaction would be more suited for you?
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industry isn't a constant value. you likely didn't like industry because u did some super striver role. academia is worse than industry because it dramatically changed for the worst in the past decade, most recently cemented since covid. become a hs teacher is your best bet if you really want out.
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OP what you’re going through isn’t worth it. I’m a HRM Phd student where some of my cohort mates come from pre docs like you and they talk about the toxic culture and slim payoff. Very few of the HRM pre docs they worked with made it to top 10 PhD programs (maybe like 2/13 for the group I know?). I’m sure you can find some counterexample or maybe you work for chetty. But I’m not saying all this to be a dieck, I’m saying this in the Hope you realize making yourself this miserable isn’t worth it to most likely not land a spot in a program where you want to go.
If I were your close friend I would suggest you quit, move back to a place where you have a support group, figure out your health, get yourself in therapy to talk through why you felt this way in a new place and environment, and just get better. If you feel the need to try for academia again you’re going to need to have a far better foundation of physical or mental health or you’re simply not going to make it