With the end of the term, the most obnoxious class that I have ever had is mercifully ending. And just in case some of them on EJMR, I wanted to tell them what I really think of them:
1. The White Suburban Asian Studies Major: I know that you think that you are being edgy by never shutting up about the wisdom of Asian culture. And the neck tattoo with Chinese characters was a great idea. But do you know why our school has so many Chinese students? Because China f**king sucks and they couldn’t get away from that s**thole fast enough. By the way, the actual Asian students think you are creepy. Good luck getting a job, the world is desperately short of people whose only skill is fluency is English and the ability to speak some broken Chinese.
2. The Fat Flirt: Look, I like it when hot sorority girls flirt. And tight black pants really do look fantastic on a pretty girl. But when you wear them, all they do is help push the 20 pounds of your excess hip fat into your gut. Your beer belly looks like my alcoholic uncle’s. So please stop coming by my office and making eyes at me.
3. The Gold Member: I failed you the first time you took my class. Then I gave you a D- the second time, only in the hope that it would keep me from ever seeing you again. But I now know that the major requires at least a C, so here you are again, still missing half the classes and still functionally illiterate. This isn’t a credit card, there are no benefits for repeat customers. I set this class up so that a borderline retarded person could get a C, but even that is too much to ask. Please drop out immediately. You are cute and would make a nice stripper.
4. The A student: You never come to class, and you showed up 15 minutes late for the midterm. Yet you still have the highest grade in the class by far. You serve as a constant reminder that I am essentially useless. The rare talented student at this awful school can manage a 4.0 with about 10 minutes of reading a day. Please transfer somewhere decent.
5. The Pseudoscholar: You come to class everyday, you sit in the front row, and you nod in agreement as I speak. You stop by my office to talk about the different books related to economics that you have read. I admit I was briefly encouraged. But then you took the midterm and demonstrated that the concept of marginal cost is beyond you. Please avoid talking to faculty. While you have intellectual curiosity, you are also dumb as a rock. You will make a great Huffpost Super User.
6. The Pautard: Why are you here? You obviously know much more about economics than I do. And I really appreciate your smug sighs whenever I mention money. Have you seen Doomsday Preppers? Are you ready for the imminent economic collapse? I think you should take some time off to get your bunker ready