Soccer sucks because it is a s**ttier version of hockey by virtually any metric. Slower? Yep. Less physical? Correct. Less scoring? Indeed. More pussified players? Correct, sir (See: hockey players returning to a match with 30+ stitches after taking a stick to the face).
Seriously, f**k soccer and Eurobros who don't understand better sports like American Football, Baseball, Basketball and Hockey. There is a reason why the best continent in the world (North America) has rejected soccer in a big way.
I have my doubts about North America being the best continent in the world, but I will agree that soccer is boring.